Skripper Time

A Year in the Blink of an Eye

Baby A, 10 minutes old

A year ago, if you told me that my year of maternity leave would seemingly disappear into a time warp, I probably wouldn't have believed you.  With a newborn on my arm, a year seemed like a lifetime.  Yet, here I am on the eve of my return to work, in mild denial, experiencing mild anticipation and feeling some pretty major mixed feelings.

Some people told me that by six months I would be dying to get back to work.  Not this Mama.  I loved every minute of mat leave.  Upon reflection, I think mine was a little different than most first-time mothers.  With Avery's three brothers part-time at home, I had little down time over the past year.  When I would tell the new mothers in my Mommy groups that we also had three little guys I would be met with wide-eyed stares, murmurs of astonishment and a few glances of something between awe and pity.

Avery and I had a great year - watching her grow, change, define her personality - it all amazed me at every step of the way.  She made friends...Jacob, JJ, all the babes at our Mom's groups.  We travelled to England, Edmonton and Orlando. We walked and walked with Auntie Sarah, Avery joined me in training for my half marathon, and she met all her friends and family along the way. 

For the most part, she was an easy baby, which I know is a gift, and I know made my life somewhat easier, and for that I am thankful. Because she slept, I was able to get things done:  laundry, showering, baking, cooking, cleaning and more. She would hit the pillow and I would go into overdrive.  Sometimes more than I should have...I regret not having taken a little more time to relax while she was sleeping.  Live and learn.

Things I am going to miss when I return to work:  The daily sweet cling of my baby after her morning nap, the way she clamps onto her spoon at lunch and holds it in mid air, laughing her head off.  I'm going to miss seeing her discover something new and laugh in delight.  And yes, I know that I will still have a million moments with her and lifetime of awesomeness, but it is the daily wonder that I am already missing. 

She is at a wonderful daycare and will be nurtured and cared for there, and I will return to the world of digital marketing, and have grown up conversations and make very-important-strategic-decisions but oh how I will miss being my baby's daily and constant source of comfort, fun and joy.  It is a hard hard thing to relinquish the development and safety of your child to a group of strangers, no matter how competent and excellent they are.

It will all be ok - and I know that I'll find a new routine that works, and this is just how it has to be (mortgage, retirements, bills...all those pesky things that require income).  I'll put away my yoga pants and stretchy tops in favour of heels and business attire.  I'll eat more than just peanut butter and toast, chunks of mangos and cheerios for lunch.  But the damp, hot press of Avery's cheek against mine after waking, the sudden tight squeeze when she throws her arms around my neck when we walk downstairs, and her delighted screech after she opens and closes her door for the twentieth time...it is so hard to leave that behind.

 

So Long, Farewell.

 

So long, sweet house

Yesterday I went down to my old house and cleared out the few remaining things that I had left.  A few weeks ago, I sold my house (while on a girls trip to Vegas - in between In-N-Out Burger and Nobu, I frantically faxed signed agreements from an Office Max).  My house stopped being a home a year ago - when I moved up to Yonge and Lawrence with my Baby Daddy and his 3  (now 4!) kids.  I rented it for a year, and when my renters gave notice in November, it just seemed like the right time to sell.

 

As I walked through the house, opening cupboards and checking closets for the last time, I found myself surprisingly emotional.  I loved that house, that home.  It was all mine - purchased with my hard earned money, and loved and cared for by me alone.  I love (loved!) my garden that I worked so hard on, moving plants and trying new things every year.  I love the way the sunlight streamed in my bedroom window in the mid-afternoon, making it perfect for an afternoon nap.  I love my kitchen, that I designed and renovated, with shiny stainless steel appliances and my amazing island.  And my porch, renovated and painted with soft greens and yellows that made summer evenings a delight. I even will miss my slightly dilapadated  'garage' that stored my beloved VW Silver Sam.

Some of the things that the house went through with me:  three employers, too many mediocre dates, lots of Rockband, five years of Love Actually at Christmas, the introduction of my PVR (iloveyouPVR), Gatsby getting grey, a kitchen reno, painting hallways precariously perched on the upstairs railing, a backyard reno (i will miss that patio!) and so much more.  It was my second baby (Gatsby first, Avery third) and I am having a hard time imagining some else in it.

But - it's sold.  I signed the papers and handed over my shiny hardwood floors and slightly crooked staircase to someone else.  It closes at the end of February, but yesterday was the real goodbye.  I shut off the light and  closed the door and walked down the porch for the last time and said a word of thanks to 4 Murdock, for keeping me safe and helping me create a life that led me to where I am today.  I hope that the new owner loves and cares for it as much as I did.  

The Best Year of My Life - 12 Goals for 2012

Yesterday we had  motivational coach Susan Zelikovitz come in a help us set some personal goals for 2012.  The theme was "The Best Year of Your Life" and the jist was that rather than setting resolutions, you should set goals.  Her belief is that people who set goals and take small steps to acheieve them have a greater chance of success and ultimate happiness and reward.  
I belong to a women's group called Girls And the City - we get together once a month to do some networking, learning and professional development.  We each take turns 'teaching', or bringing an expert to teach the group.  It's a great group of women and we spend a couple of hours every 4th Monday of the month sharing, laughing, eating and filling each other in on our lives.

Each month of the year has a theme - and you can work on the goals in any order (all at once, monthly or as you are able).  It was a very interesting session and we all learned a bit more about each other, thought about our present and what we wanted our future to be.  

Here's my list for 2012 - maybe it will inspire someone else out there to think differently too.

January: Connectivity

• Spend less time on my computer/iPhone when I am relaxing on the couch at home, and more time present with my family
• Try to call/email two far away friends per week.

February: Prosperity

• Bring lunch everyday to work for a month, and put $10/week into Avery's RESP

March: Credibility

• Continue my learning in digital and social marketing

April: Creativity

• Wear something that makes me slightly uncomfortable (less black, more fun!)

May: Opporunity

• Find one way to simplify my life weekly

June: Selectivity

• Nurture relationships with people who add something to my life
• Be careful and selective about who and what I say yes to

July: Simplicity

• Eat less prepared foods
• Clear out clutter

August: Authenticity

• Focus on being genuine and speaking the truth, take time and care about what I say

September: Productivity

• Write down 3 things that I have accomplished daily
• Blog at least once/week

October: Community

• Get involved at Avery's daycare

November: Positivity

• Be more open with my partner about why I love him, why he is special

December: Generosity

• Buy extra cans of food at each grocery trip and leave in food bank bins at the door
• Give honest feedback at work

Goodbye to the Old, Hello to the New

This is the scene on any of a given number of streets near my house.  It's par for the course any month to see at least one old house (usually 2 or 3) per street being torn down to put up a new, glamazon abode, with towering roofs, pot lights, granite countertops and fake grass (ok, that is only one house, and it looks ridiculous).

I'm a fan of the older home - the charm of slightly crooked doorways and oversized baseboards.  The creak of the old hardwood floors that make it impossible to sneak around at night.  The gorgeous stained glass windows and old wooden porches that let you sit and watch the world go by.

So when Baby A and I strolled by this place as they literally ripped it apart in front of our eyes, I was struck by the history that was being taken down - a house that has seen almost a 100 years of living has a lot of stories to tell.  Births, deaths, joys, sorrow - all imprinted on the wallpaper and rubbed into the floor.  Growth charts scribbled onto door frames and basement beams with secret messages carved in them.

I don't know whether a house has a soul or not, but something tugged at me as I watched another grand old maison get torn down that day.  I'm sure the new house will be lovely - and I will envy their smooth drywall, gleaming hardwood and built in A/C.  But I will enjoy my old house and the stories it tells me all the more.

For This I am Thankful

Ok, so it has been months since I last sat down at my computer to make a blog entry.  I've had a million different topics fly through my head, but since the arrival of Baby A, there doesn't always seem to be enough time.  I have a minute - a sacred minute - where I am ignoring the 3 giant piles of laundry downstairs, and have just emerged the victor in the "i don't want to nap mother, so I am going to scream for 20 minutes like you just stabbed me in the eye with a hot poker" battle. 

So here are some the things that I am thankful for, July 2011 edition:

1) Epidurals.  It might be 4 months since I had one, but seriously ladies, why would you go through labour without it?

2) Healthy Choice bars:  2 points on weightwatchers, 5 minutes of pure heaven (3 if I am starving).

3) The fact that my baby sleeps.  To all you mothers out there with babies that battle you through the night, my hat is off to you.  I don't know how you do it.

4) My garden.  A never ending source of pleasure (despite the raging battle I have with the remnants of a sumach tree and goutweed.  Curses!!)

5) Podcasts.  Terry O'Reilly and the Age of Persuasion, The Moth, and more make walking around the city pushing a stroller up the hill so much easier.

6) My amazing friends and family.  They made the first three months so much easier - food appeared, dishes got done and I stared at wonder at Baby A. 

7) Air conditioning.  I am thankful for that RIGHT NOW.

8) Rogers on Demand.  Yeah, I work for the company.  But you know what?  On Demand is serious gold.  A nursing mother's best friend.

9) My iPhone.  I love you iPhone.  You and your smart photography apps and to do lists.  Your podcasts (see #5,) your google maps and Scrabble app.  And yet I covet your sister the iPad.  Continuously.  Someday I will have her - but until then, you are my first Apple love.

10)  The BabyVac.  Hook it up to your vaccuum and suction out your baby's nose.  I am not kidding. 

 

 

Exit Through the Gift Shop, Please

This morning, at 4am, I was awoken with a spectacular cramp in my calf that sent me sitting straight up in bed, while yelling "Ow ow ow ow" along with some other choice words.   After the drama had passed, I lay in bed thinking "wow, that really hurt" and then thought "yeah, but not as much as labour will, right?".  And then I thought, "I don't really care how much it hurts (insert subconscious thought: that's what drugs are for) - let's get this party started".

I am now officially 4 days past my due date, and while I recognize that 'due dates' are pretty much a guesstimate, it is interesting how many things have changed in the last couple of weeks.  I've been keeping busy since leaving work - taking walks, baking, visiting friends, cleaning, getting my life in order, etc., so it hasn't been that bad. 

And make no mistake - I've has a great pregnancy.  And I do mean great - no complications, felt great, ate too much maybe - but that's about it.  However, in the last couple of weeks, I've finally begun to feel uncomfortable. Yesterday at a pedicure I looked down at my feet and ankles, swollen like a balloon, and wondered who they belonged to.   Sleeping is getting a little more difficult - my hips hurt from lying on my side, and my hands randomly fall asleep during all hours of the night.  The man will wake up to me with my hand up in the air, wiggling my fingers and ask me if I have a question, or whether I'm doing an intricate move from a Thai dance.

Somehow I've managed to avoid the pregnancy waddle - but I have a feeling it's coming on.  I get these weekly emails from www.whattoexpect.com (the famous "What to Expect When You're Expecting" people) that give you the update on what's going on with your pregnancy (your baby is the size of a strawberry!  a papaya!  she can blink!) and this week it's all about how baby is developing the fetal stress hormones that will help her rapidly adjust to the outside world.  What they fail to mention is that as I approach a full week overdue, she's also probably gaining a pound, which means I am going to give birth to an Amazon-child, who will have a 50% chance of having a huge head like her mother.  I'll let you all figure out what that means.

You know what I expect?  I expect this baby to COME OUT.  And I'm drinking raspberry leaf tea like a madwoman, have been going for walks, having spicy food, driving like a maniac over bumpy roads and having hot baths.  And for the people who wink and say "don't forget lots of sex!"...well, I'm on it people.

A number of people (interestingly, all strangers, and mostly in restaurants or grocery stores) have asked me if I'm nervous - which I'm  not.  This kid has to come out either way.  And then there are the people that say..."oh, just enjoy the time you have now, because you won't be able to:
watch tv-go to a movie-out for dinner-sleep-shower-eat-read-blowyournose-brushyourhair-functionlikeanormalhumanbeing for MONTHS" (yes, thanks for the optimistic outlook) but as I sit here with my laptop, with 2 fingers falling asleep because I've bent my elbow leaning on the couch, with the baby kicking the crap out of my ribs, I think I'd be ok if she decided to make a move today.

2010 Back and 2011 Forward - Both Look Pretty Great.

About a year ago, I wrote a post called "(Not Resolutions) Merely Strong Suggestions for 2010" where I mapped out what I wanted to acheive over the year.  So a year later, I'm taking  a look to see how I did. 

Turns out that 2010 was quite the ride.  I did many of the things on the list - kicked butt in the Ride to Conquer Cancer, tried out a number of new restaurants, read some more books, and even did a 10km.  I also did a half marathon (run/walking for the first time - and setting a personal best record).  Nicely done Skripper, right?  Right. 

So let's revisit the last resolution, #11, which was added after the official list, and somewhat flippantly:

#11: All the requisite non-stated personal stuff:  Exercise more fall in love get married have babies move to a bigger house get a CR-V go for massages walk more breathe more laugh more relax.

This is where the story gets interesting.  Exercise more: check.  Get a CR-V: check.  Fall in love: check.   Have a baby: check.  Move to a bigger house: check. 

Whaaaat the...?

That's right people - check out the below.

Le CRV

 

 La nouvelle maison

La Skipperette (due mid-Feb)

Serious life fast forward.  So how did I get from there to here?  Mid-Jan I reconnected with a guy from high school that I hadn't seen or talked to in over 20 years.  And I liked him.  A lot.  Turns out that he liked me too.  Many good times later, I was renting my house, moving in with him and his 3 boys (8, 6, 3 - holy insta-family) and I woke up one day with most of the pre-requisites of #11 answered. 

To say it has been a whirlwind is an understatement - and it hasn't always been easy - there has been a lot of adjustments (going from a house all to myself, to a house full of testosterone, noise and limited closet space).  Trying to combine 2 households (thank god for Craigslist).  Waking up with kids crawling all over me, alternatively asking for breakfast, peanut butter spoons and to watch Teletoon.  I've watched more Baby Einstein than I care to mention.  Spent the holidays cleaning up puke as we each got the flu one by one.  Dealt with renting a house, moving, buying a car, selling a car, then buying a van, selling a van...all while dealing with being pregnant.

No marriage plans yet (much to the chagrin of my mother) but that will come eventually.  For all the craziness, it's been an amazing ride.  Everyone asks me how I'm feeling about such massive change, but all I can say it that it feels right. I'm looking forward the adventures that motherhood will bring in February - and as I sit on the couch cuddling with the G and the boy, fire roaring, cheering for the Team Canada to win the Juniors, there is no where else in the world that I would rather be.

 

 

 

How to be Alone - Tanya Davis

I stumbled across this lovely artist through a Facebook link - and after watching I thought sharing was in order.  Having learned over the years exactly what it is to be alone, and how to be comfortable with it, I found that Tanya hits all the right notes.  I highly recommend going to the movies by yourself - even though when you tell your friends about it they'll look at you with a mix of incredulity and pity.

"How to be Alone" is a video by filmaker, Andrea Dorfman, and poet/singer/songwriter, Tanya Davis.

Davis wrote the beautiful poem and performed in the video which Dorfman directed, shot, animated by hand and edited. For more information on Tanya, go to http://www.tanyadavis.ca For more information on Andrea Dorfman, visit her facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/Andrea-Dorfman-Films/110789... (Background info cut and paste liberally from their Youtube page)

 

 

Best Out of Office Automatic Replies

Maybe it's just because my head is exploding today with a sinus cold, but I found the following really funny (borrowed liberally from Dave Duarte's blog thanks to @erin_bury). 

Enjoy - and use at your own risk. :)

Best Out of Office Automatic Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. I may be a little moody so be prepared.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.

( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.
You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ” Sharon ” instead of “Steve”.

Tethered to the Promise of Spring

Ok, so that's not me in the photo, but I REALLY wish it was.  Long long long day at work - it seemed that something went wrong every hour.  One of those days where I instinctively looked for the carb-iest thing I could find at lunch (settled on a chicken shawarma, which could have been worse).

The magic of spring has brought me back from the brink today.  Driving home, I got my first real glimpse of true green - the trees are a fuzzy green delight, the crocuses are poking through and the grey of winter is being replaced by splashes of spring colour.  Nature is a decent healer, and I gazed at my front garden this evening, I was reminded that every day is a new one, and that tomorrow will probably be better.

Reflecting on the current state of Skripper, things are actually pretty great.  The job, while tiring and sometimes frustrating, continues to be fun overall, with a good team and a vision that we're aligned to - and working with TV and movies - who could complain, really?  My car still works, nothing major going on with my house, family and friends still healthy...excuse me while I go and knock on some wood. Tie in that my personal life has taken a strong turn for the better, and I'm feeling the love.  Good times people, good times.  Thanks Spring for reminding me to appreciate the smaller, quiet things.  Life goes on, and my life goes on good.